As a freelancer, I often find myself being included on the distribution list of many inter-office memos, while not actually ever having to pay much attention to what they say or having to worry about taking any action. These are excerpts from a particularly surreal one from my current client on the subject of bringing pets to work.
As you know, we currently allow employees to bring pets (dogs or cats) to the workplace. To ensure that the workplace remains a comfortable environment for everyone-including those who may be allergic to pets or uncomfortable around pets--- we are implementing the following guidelines:
[[some boneheadedly obvious guidelines such as "make sure your pet is housebroken" appear here in the original]]
To the extent possible, Dogs should stay with their owner or caregiver at all times in their office/cubicle. If the caregiver needs to attend a meeting, an alternative caregiver should be appointed to take care of any needs while the primary caregiver is away.
Try to avoid bringing dogs to meetings.
[[Note that they only ask that you TRY not to bring your dog to meetings. Perhaps you could explain to him that he might be bored, that he won't be able to read the slides, or simply sneak into the meeting before he sees you. "Look, snausages!"]]
Dogs/cats should be kept away from people with allergies.
Walk your dog outside the building and courtyard areas several times a day, and please clean up afterwards.
Bring a supply of toys or treats to keep your dog from getting bored or disruptive. Please avoid squeaky toys.
You are responsible for cleaning up after your dog inside and outside of the building. If your dog has an accident inside the building, please also notify Facilities, since additional clean-up may be necessary.
Any incident of aggressive behavior by a dog is unacceptable and the dog will not be allowed back at work.
Loud or repetitive barking is not acceptable and must be stopped right away. Dogs who bark excessively will not be allowed back at work.
Eating, or even sniffing, an employee's food by a pet is not acceptable.
Please be aware that pets also may make some feel uncomfortable. Therefore, please use common sense and common courtesy and respect the views of others at all times.
Based on business needs or the needs/comforts of other department members, a manager may, at their discretion, add more restrictions or limitations to these guidelines, applying to his or her department specifically. This may include restricting pets from the department.